alright, here goes.
So. I think my biggest fear is that i’ll be unremarkable.
I am so afraid of being just, nothing special.
And I have no confidence in myself that I make myself believe that I am not anything unique or special.
and honestly, I’m not.
I don’t know what sets me apart from the billions of others on this planet.
And, I am really afraid that i’ll just be lost in that sea of people. and no one will remember me when i’m gone.
That’s why i so desperately want to change someone’s life in a positive way.
and, I’m not talking about “oh, i’m glad i know him.”
I’m talking about a deep, meaningful impact on someone’s life.
For me i experienced that through bands like Switchfoot and Coldplay.
those two bands’ music has had noticeable impacts on how i live life.
Sammi had a very similar effect.
whether or not I did the same to her is irrelevant. My ex girlfriend changed who i am for the better.
and it was more than just the normal boyfriend/girlfriend experiences that she left with me.
She helped me discover who i am. She completely shook my foundation. I am who I am because she helped me get there.
She did more than influence my life. She became a part of it.
and I don’t want to sound too dependent or whatever. But looking back that’s just how I feel.
But anyways, I want someone to say something like that about me.
And it’s not for recognition or anything like that. I don’t care about being acknowledged for what I do. i honestly don’t.
I just want to leave this earth a better place than how i found it. and i think you do that through the people you meet.
Like, no matter what Sammi does with her life, she can go to bed and know that she made me a better version of myself. and that’s something she should be proud of. It takes an unprecedented person to have that kind of impact.
That’s why i’m afraid. what if i’m ordinary? I can’t have a lasting positive impact on someone if i’m just, regular.
and if i am, how on earth am i going to leave my mark on this world? who’s gonna remember me?
